Trauma Triggered by Your Child’s Age: Why Motherhood Reopens Old Wounds
Hey, Shameless Mamas - Let’s Talk about Maternal Mental Health
Becoming a parent can be one of the most beautiful and transformative experiences of your life. But it can also be surprisingly unsettling when your child hits a milestone or reaches an age that awakens something deep inside you—sadness, anxiety, panic, or even memories you thought were long buried.
This experience of childhood trauma resurfacing in motherhood or trauma triggered by your child’s age, is more common than you might think. And if it’s happening to you, you are not broken—you are remembering.
Why Does This Happen?
Trauma doesn’t just live in your mind; it lives in your body and nervous system. Even if you’ve pushed painful experiences aside for years, your body hasn’t forgotten. When your child reaches the age you were during your trauma, your nervous system can interpret it as a trauma anniversary, activating powerful emotions, flashbacks, or body-based anxiety.
Examples of how this can show up include:
Feeling anxious or withdrawn when your child turns the same age you were during abuse or neglect
Experiencing flashbacks around birthdays, school transitions, or other milestones
Feeling deep sadness, anger, or dread without knowing why
This doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent—it means your nervous system is calling for healing.
The Link Between Motherhood and PTSD
For some mothers, these experiences feel a lot like PTSD in motherhood. You may feel hypervigilant, disconnected, or unable to fully enjoy milestones with your child. It can be confusing and isolating, but these responses are actually a very human reaction to unresolved trauma.
Many women quietly wonder, How can I be a good mom with PTSD? The truth is, acknowledging what’s happening is the first step to healing—and it’s a sign of strength, not weakness.
The Opportunity for Generational Trauma Healing
When parenting reopens old wounds, it also creates an opportunity for generational trauma healing. Your child’s milestones often mirror what you needed but didn’t receive, or what you had to survive. By facing these memories and feelings, you not only reclaim peace for yourself—you also interrupt painful cycles from being passed down to the next generation.
This is part of healing your mother wound: showing up differently than you were parented, with more compassion, presence, and intention.
How EMDR Helps Mothers Heal
If you’re seeking therapy for resurfaced trauma, one of the most effective tools is EMDR for trauma in mothers. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps the brain reprocess traumatic memories so they no longer carry the same emotional intensity.
Mothers who engage in EMDR often find they can:
Reduce the power of triggers around milestones
Reconnect with joy in parenting
Heal the younger version of themselves who still longs for care
Feel calmer, safer, and more present with their children
In short, EMDR doesn’t erase the past—it helps you live more freely in the present, without being ruled by old pain.
Moving Forward: How to Heal the Mother Wound
If old memories resurface as your child grows, remember: this isn’t a sign you’re broken. It’s your body remembering what was too much to process before. With support, these moments can become an opening into deeper resilience, self-compassion, and connection.
Healing your mother wound may include EMDR, mindfulness practices, journaling, or joining supportive communities of mothers navigating similar challenges. Each step helps you move from reactivity to presence, from survival to joy.
Final Thoughts
Mom trauma can feel overwhelming, but it’s also a powerful invitation to heal. With the right support, you can break free from cycles of pain, create space for generational healing, and reclaim the joy of parenting.
You deserve to feel peace and presence in motherhood—and to know that it’s possible to rewrite your family’s story with compassion, resilience, and love.
Ready to start your healing journey? Contact Shameless Mama Wellness today to schedule a free consultation.
With Warmth and in Solidarity,
Marilyn
I provide a safe haven to discuss the thoughts you keep hidden.
As a Postpartum Therapist in California, I offer many services utilizing evidence-based treatments. Some services at Shameless Mama Wellness include treatment for postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, birth trauma therapy, fertility counseling, therapy for miscarriage and loss, pregnancy therapy and treatment for NICU PTSD.
Online therapy available to new moms in California.
