Why Your Birth Was Traumatic Even If Your Baby Is ‘Healthy’
Hey, Shameless Mamas - Let’s Talk about Maternal Mental Health
“You’re both healthy—that’s all that matters.”
If you’ve heard that before—and felt your stomach drop—you’re not alone.
Many new mothers walk away from their births feeling overwhelmed, heartbroken, confused, or even violated, only to be told that their distress doesn’t matter because the outcome was “fine.”
But birth trauma isn’t erased by a healthy baby. In fact, for many high-functioning moms, that phrase becomes a silencing tool. The truth is: your birth can be traumatic even if everything looked okay on the outside. And that trauma deserves to be named, validated, and healed.
What Birth Trauma Really Is
Birth trauma isn’t defined by how your birth looks on a chart. It’s defined by how it felt in your body. If your experience during labor or delivery was frightening, chaotic, painful, or disempowering, that’s trauma—even if no one else sees it that way.
You may benefit from birth trauma therapy if:
You constantly replay your birth in your mind
You feel ashamed or broken by how it went
You have intrusive thoughts or avoid talking about your birth
You feel disconnected from your baby or your body
You were treated dismissively by medical providers
You felt unsafe, powerless, or unheard during birth
The Myth That a Healthy Baby Is “All That Matters”
This idea erases the mother from the story entirely. While a healthy baby is certainly important, so is your mental health. So is your safety. So is your experience.
When we only focus on the baby, we send mothers the message that their pain doesn’t count. That they should just “be grateful.” And for many high-achieving women, this shame can be paralyzing.
I’ve worked with countless women in postpartum therapy across California who came in saying, “I don’t know if I deserve to feel this bad.”
Let me say it clearly: you do not have to justify your trauma.
High-Functioning Mothers Hide Birth Trauma Differently
Many women who are used to excelling in their careers, managing families, and staying composed under pressure don’t look like they’re struggling.
They keep showing up. They keep performing. But inside, they’re numb, anxious, or silently unraveling.
This kind of mom is often told, “You’re doing great!”—when she’s quietly suffering in isolation.
That’s where birth trauma counseling makes a difference. It gives you a space where you don’t have to perform. Where your experience gets to matter. Where you can fall apart safely and begin to reassemble in a way that honors what you’ve lived through.
What Happens in Birth Trauma Therapy?
In birth trauma therapy, we create a space to gently explore what happened to you—without shame, pressure, or invalidation. This often includes:
Naming the parts of your birth experience that felt frightening or disempowering
Processing emotions like grief, rage, fear, and shame
Working with your nervous system to feel safe again
Using trauma-informed techniques like EMDR, somatic work, and grounding strategies
As a birth trauma therapist, my role isn’t to judge your experience—it’s to help you understand it, integrate it, and heal from it.
What If It’s Been Months (or Years)?
It’s never too late. Birth trauma can stay buried for years—especially in high-functioning women who quickly “moved on” because they had to. But unprocessed trauma doesn’t go away. It surfaces as anxiety, depression, disconnection, mom rage, insomnia, or relationship tension.
Whether you just gave birth or had your baby years ago, birth trauma counseling can help you finally make sense of what you’ve carried alone.
If You’re Googling “Postpartum Therapist Near Me...”
You might be wondering where to start. I offer postpartum therapy across California, including Los Angeles, San Francisco, Sacramento, and all surrounding regions through virtual therapy sessions. If you're searching for a birth trauma therapist and feeling unsure whether you “qualify,” let me reassure you:
If it hurts, it matters.
If you can’t stop thinking about it, it matters.
If it changed you in a way you didn’t expect—it matters.
Your Trauma Is Real, Even If Your Baby Is Healthy
You don’t have to stay stuck in shame.
You don’t have to keep pretending you’re fine.
You don’t have to heal alone.
If you’re a mother who walked away from birth with a healthy baby but a broken heart—your experience deserves to be witnessed. And it can be healed, and I can help.
With Warmth and in Solidarity,
Marilyn
I provide a safe haven to discuss the thoughts you keep hidden.
As a Postpartum Therapist in California, I offer many services utilizing evidence-based treatments. Some services at Shameless Mama Wellness include treatment for postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, birth trauma therapy, fertility counseling, therapy for miscarriage and loss, pregnancy therapy and treatment for NICU PTSD.
Online therapy available to new moms in California.
